I wrote this letter a year or so ago for a cousin of mine who had just graduated from college. Re-reading it recently, it struck me that the advice still applies whether your a recent grad or have been in the workforce for decades!

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I remember graduating and feeling very unsure of myself, my path forward, and the future in general. Many of my friends knew exactly what they wanted in a career and set out towards those goals, either by going back to school for an advanced degree or hopping straight onto a defined career path. That wasn’t the case with me, and I felt a lot of insecurity around that. Ten years later and I still have my fair share of insecurities and lack of confidence, but I wouldn’t change anything about the last decade – it has all been a part of my learning (and hopefully growth), which I don’t think ever ends. If I could go back and give myself some advice right after graduation I certainly would, but I can’t, so I figured I’d share that advice with you. What follows is entirely my own opinions – none of it is gospel truth. So take the following for what it’s worth – the musings of your big cousin, who wants the best for you, but has his own opinions, many of which are probably wrong, and some of which are hopefully right.

General advice:

• Now is the time to try new things without having to commit to them. I’m not telling you to be a flake, commitment is important, but you don’t have to find your career, wife (or husband, I’m not judging), dream city/town, etc. right now. Commit to trying new things, give them an honest effort, and if they don’t work out, take what you’ve learned and refine your criteria for the next iteration.
• There’s often a lot of pressure to be interesting, say something insightful, or generally to impress people. Chasing those things is a fools errand. Instead, learn how to ask good questions, get people talking about themselves, and be an excellent listener. You’ll figure out quickly that people rarely move beyond “what do you do for a living?”, “where do you live?”, “where did you go to school?”, etc. If you can figure out what the person you’re talking to likes and get them talking about it, they’ll remember you and that conversation for a long time.

• Be yourself – you are an awesome person and the right company, friend, partner will recognize that in you and accept you for who you are. Don’t change yourself to fit someone else’s mold!

Friendship/Relationships:

• A little time with an old friend goes a long way. As time goes on life gets busier and busier and making deep friendships takes a lot of time, energy, and effort. If you have good friends now that you’ve built strong relationships with, keep investing in them. A phone call on your ride home from work, a text on the holidays or their birthday, or even an email can keep that friendship alive. When you need someone to talk to or to help you work out a problem it’s nice to have someone who’s known you for a long time at the ready.

Work (this is where I start to sound like a crotchety old man):

• If you have the ability to go into the office – do it! Working from home has its perks for sure, but you’re trading opportunity for convenience. If you go into the office you’ll be exposed to the leaders at the company, get facetime with them, and watch/hear how the decision makers act and think. That exposure is invaluable and you can’t get it at home. It’s like sitting in the front of the class in a lecture – you want the professor (employer in this case) to know who you are.
• Good employers (and people for that matter) care much more about effort, attitude, and grit than what your GPA was, or how big your vocabulary is. Hard work and the right attitude will get you quite far in life!
• If and when it is time for you to leave a job, don’t burn bridges on the way out. It’s a small world, and you’d be amazed at how the little dig you made about your boss to a coworker on your way out the door comes back to bite you years later.

As my dad said to me, “Go forth and be a whale in the ocean”.